Mixed feelings...will I miss him?...

Tonight, the U.S. President says "farewell" to the United States population via a televised network segment.

That brings in mixed feelings. Really.

For one, I will watch this man address the Nation - and the World - in either his typical demeanor and/or that familiar now, bully, side-mouth, facial expression. These, whether putting on a humble-looking stance, making you want to think that he is telling the truth, that he is sincere, that he is really transparent-ly sensible, or the "in-your-face-could-care-less-what-you-think" mafia boss, neighborhood-gang, bar brawling bully response" facial, will pull me in front of the TV once again tonight, and hopefully for the last time. I will pace myself before I utter - as I have done so many times - "Whoa!!! Where is he going with that?", whenever I sense another one of the bifid statements addressing multiple possibilities at the same time.

Well in this aspect, know that I will miss watching these things, for the have been extremely attractive to watch. For one, the "National Guard" in me, that inner drive protecting values, family, country, conscience, etc., etc., wants to know what dangers are being out in play, to hopefully be able to do 'something' to protect 'something' from . Well, I have lived many years in that role. Reading newspapers, websites, listening to NPR, Amy Goodman, Hartmann (through my wife's comments), Jon Stewart, Colbert, NPR TV (at 6 or at 7 PM), and every readable piece I could lay my hands on, whether on the Internet - Salon, incoming alerts from multiple advocacy groups - or books, articles, etc., etc. Notice that I gave quotes of what I read, not like somebody we know that could not answer the question to that journalist, "Couric"...Já!

Not only that, but each of Pres. W's major statements posited the need for assessing the rationale and the ethics of the expressed position. After so many initial let downs by the leader (and leaders) - let's not go there now - of the greatest country in the world - the birth of liberty, justice, freedom and equal rights for all - my inner defenses went up. I lived in distrust of this official and his government all these years. And that necessitated my having to check other sources so as to be able to discern where my values lay in terms of what the "G" was espousing. Besides a lot of work, it was a period of a lot of growth. It was a honing of my ethical, social, political, commercial, religious, financial, ecological, spiritual, etc., values and reference filters. Zinn, Popes, Mystics, Noble-prize winners, editors (Bookman, Cynthia Tucker, yes, and Lukovich: what a mind!), etc., became sought after references, and as those mentioned above, all were the honing stones or strops, the 'sandpaper' thru which my positions and their substrate convictions were clarified.

Of course, I am going to miss all of that.

There was excitement - and a deep sort of sadness - present when my mind established a link from a reading or from a reference that would support and explain the rationale for a 'con' stance on the latest position of the Government, or the Prez, or the VP, or the Dept. of Justice, or the CDC, or the EPA, or the Defense Dept., or the Supreme Court, the Dept. of ...etc., etc. My God! It was tiring! It was disgusting! It was incredible to experience so many differences and to confront the ongoing, devastating attack of this government on so many institutions and dimensions of life in this planet, now and for years to come. Horrible! I went thru a mourning period of my (now seen as ) infantile beliefs in the purity of the values that this country represented for me. I got to the point where the flag and the song I really liked, "I'm proud to be an American..." became trite. That was not 'nice'! He, "they", separated those from me.

Later, I came to realize that my losses were idols that were breaking up. "Thou shall have no other gods...", became ever so present. Here I was: idolizing the golden Zebu of this democracy, and its capitalism views! How could I have done that! But it took somebody special to bring me there...here...to where I am now. He, the point man of that huge organization: the President. Thank you then, Mr. Prez! And for that, I am grateful ...!

In his last Press Conference, Jan 12, 3 days ago, the theme for tonight's 'show' was established. The AP report, in the AJC, fact checks Mr. Bush's statements. Well, you know what facet of the reality kaleidoscope, of the truth, that was all about, and what was defended. The Press Secretary states in another article, referring to the last moments in office, that "Mrs. Bush is very organized,” Perino said, adding “so (Bush) hasn’t had to do a lot of packing himself.”

Yes - that also seems typical of this man...of this type man, and of this type wife. Just like in a codependent wife's pain-life, fixing the actions and carrying the consequences of the husband's broken behaviors. "Enabling him to be less..."...a task too big for any woman...", quotes Gabriele Rienas in The Pastor’s Wife: Beating the Blahs of Ministry: The Challenge Of Being A Supportive Wife.

So, "Good night Mr. President. We, the Nation and the World, and generations, will have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Thank you for all you taught us. You led us there. And that took a very special being. Don't pack: there is little to take with you - left. Except, all the pain and misery you leave, which will hopefully be the ashes from which humanity will transcend to a new era. For that, thank you, and ...

...God Speed...far way!