Happy Father's Day...Fathers'...?
Next Sunday, the nation will be celebrating a huge occasion: Father's Day...or is it - Fathers' Day...?
Hundreds, thousands, millions of parents will celebrate then. Many of that number will be 'honored' in some way: from very simple "I love you's" uttered by a child grabbing 'daddy's' fingers and looking straight up waiting to be reached to and held, to community gatherings in the local restaurant, to great - starchy, maybe - celebrations and speeches, honoring folks that hold a meaningful role in societal circles.
For a few hours, maybe for just a moment in some cases, those men will be the center of attention in a special way. That attention will not be their lives' 'usual' one conveying yet 'one more responsibility', one more 'to-do'. It will be one of gratefulness, of appreciation, of love: a situation possibly infrequent and rather uncomfortable in many cases. "It was the natural thing to do!; nothing less would have been irresponsible", may be filling the halls next Sunday as these men are 'honored' in "their' day, and so respond.
Then, there are other halls where smaller, more intimate (one-on-one, maybe across a safety-glass panel) and with similar, yet stronger depths of emotion, the same words will be uttered, in a hush, bathed in tears, as the
father's (fathers') eyes are focused on by their loved ones. Thousands of these men's solar plexus will contract, in pain, deep choking contractions ending in a bellowing cry allowing for breath to rush into lungs oppressed by the shame and guilt, and the dry, despairing loneliness of the prisoner's cell.
In one hall "dignity" is enhanced; in this last hall, whatever dignity remains is in the memory banks of a previous life, before that life took a devastating turn.
In the 'open' halls, the uncomfortableness of recognition will be squashed, run away from, minimized, shut down - most probably and typically - by those parents who have started to realize 'what they've done', who they are and have
become. That is the moment of acknowledging that role - Father - in one's life. A huge step forward. Then it settles in: it is ok. "Let them".
In the other halls, in the 'closed' ones, the ones with long tubular and metal constructs, the uncomfortableness of recognition squashes, and can not be run away from, nor minimized, nor shut down - most probably and typically
- from the self image of 'fathers' who have started to realize 'what they've done', who they are and have become. That is the moment where acknowledgment of the "Father role" hurts, deeply, and it feels as if it were to stifle what's left of one's life. Whether one is a "failed" father, or an "estranged" father. Whether "failed" as incriminated by justice "being made", or whether "estranged" as "in-justice" splits their families apart. The sight of the loved ones across the separating bars does not allow those well wishes to settle in: it is not ok. Too much pain...
Yet, an insight into their love and its sweetness, and its strength, its stout nature does come through. And that is soothing, and heals. Healing in the midst of the sweet uttering of "Happy Fathers' Day".
Let's bring all three fathers to mind this weekend. They are part of our world, whether in our conscioussness or not. Let's think of them. Let's whisper in solidarity, "Happy Fathers' Day!"
Hundreds, thousands, millions of parents will celebrate then. Many of that number will be 'honored' in some way: from very simple "I love you's" uttered by a child grabbing 'daddy's' fingers and looking straight up waiting to be reached to and held, to community gatherings in the local restaurant, to great - starchy, maybe - celebrations and speeches, honoring folks that hold a meaningful role in societal circles.
For a few hours, maybe for just a moment in some cases, those men will be the center of attention in a special way. That attention will not be their lives' 'usual' one conveying yet 'one more responsibility', one more 'to-do'. It will be one of gratefulness, of appreciation, of love: a situation possibly infrequent and rather uncomfortable in many cases. "It was the natural thing to do!; nothing less would have been irresponsible", may be filling the halls next Sunday as these men are 'honored' in "their' day, and so respond.
Then, there are other halls where smaller, more intimate (one-on-one, maybe across a safety-glass panel) and with similar, yet stronger depths of emotion, the same words will be uttered, in a hush, bathed in tears, as the
father's (fathers') eyes are focused on by their loved ones. Thousands of these men's solar plexus will contract, in pain, deep choking contractions ending in a bellowing cry allowing for breath to rush into lungs oppressed by the shame and guilt, and the dry, despairing loneliness of the prisoner's cell.
In one hall "dignity" is enhanced; in this last hall, whatever dignity remains is in the memory banks of a previous life, before that life took a devastating turn.
In the 'open' halls, the uncomfortableness of recognition will be squashed, run away from, minimized, shut down - most probably and typically - by those parents who have started to realize 'what they've done', who they are and have
become. That is the moment of acknowledging that role - Father - in one's life. A huge step forward. Then it settles in: it is ok. "Let them".
In the other halls, in the 'closed' ones, the ones with long tubular and metal constructs, the uncomfortableness of recognition squashes, and can not be run away from, nor minimized, nor shut down - most probably and typically
- from the self image of 'fathers' who have started to realize 'what they've done', who they are and have become. That is the moment where acknowledgment of the "Father role" hurts, deeply, and it feels as if it were to stifle what's left of one's life. Whether one is a "failed" father, or an "estranged" father. Whether "failed" as incriminated by justice "being made", or whether "estranged" as "in-justice" splits their families apart. The sight of the loved ones across the separating bars does not allow those well wishes to settle in: it is not ok. Too much pain...
Yet, an insight into their love and its sweetness, and its strength, its stout nature does come through. And that is soothing, and heals. Healing in the midst of the sweet uttering of "Happy Fathers' Day".
Let's bring all three fathers to mind this weekend. They are part of our world, whether in our conscioussness or not. Let's think of them. Let's whisper in solidarity, "Happy Fathers' Day!"
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