Calm...what sparks my reactivity?

By José Blanco
The reading this morning opened in page 106, of Brené Brown's book: The Gifts of Imperfection. It goes like this...(and more, these are just some pieces for munching for now...):
"I define calm as creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity. When I think about calm people I think about people who can bring perspective to complicated situations and feel their feelings without reacting to heightened emotions like fear and anger".

Aha. Hmmm. Really? Few of those around. My Mom's style was that of a 'screamer'; my dad was "cool and collected", but behind it was what is called (and I think was...) "white anger". So go ahead..I'm interested: tell me more.

"If we choose to heal with calm, we have to commit to practicing calm. Small things matter. For example. before we respond we can count to ten or give ourselves permission  to say "I'm not sure. I need to think about this some more." 

And here comes the 'whopper': "It's also extremely effective to identify the emotions that are the most likely to spark your reactivity and then practice non-reactive responses".

...
...

Were I to make that list, would it be long? Short? What would be in it? Hmmm.

That's Madonna. There's no way I can do that...now!
When I think of yoga, when I practice yoga, and when I teach yoga, one of the usual phrases is in the first paragraph: monitor, be aware of sensations around the pose (complicated situations) and feel the feelings without reacting, without judging or condemning...to heightened emotions. So here we are "managing emotional reactivity" and more; we are practicing "feeling on purpose". How many times do we do that in life? Outside the mat?

What is my usual reaction to "heightened sensations and feelings". After those - my reactions - are "out there", "done", what are the consequences to me? Something to repair? A relationship to mend? Ask for forgiveness, "excuse-me's"? What recordings come on? "Shhhh! There I go again:  I am such a _______ ." - shame laden thoughts, maybe?  Is there a balance of "repair" work in my life, or is that lopsided? Can I start reducing the moments in which I say and do the 'wrong' thing?

...
...
I think I'll keep on practicing yoga: my mat seems to be a safe place these days.

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