...courage, compassion and connection - what?...
Phrases that caught my eye reading today Brené Brown's book, pp. 125 and on:
"we have developed fairly sensitive bullshit meters (yes!) when it comes to reading 'self-help' books. I think this is a good thing."
"...meaningful change is a process. It can be uncomfortable and is often risky, especially when we're talking about embracing our imperfections (what?, me?), cultivating authenticity (really? - every time I express myself I'm kicked in the teeth!), and looking the world in the eye and saying 'I am enough' (what does that mean? The world never says...'your mistake was minor, José, it's OK!' . No. It is always: "OMG!, José, how could you think that/do that/smile like that/say that/cringe like that/twirl your nose like that? That's terrible!"
"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It's about cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It is going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that does not change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging." (...sweet!)
(I re-member when I was taught to make the act of contrition at night and review all my faults and confess them, and feel sorry for them, and then ask forgiveness from a silent god (is that capital 'G'?) who never replied but was always lurking in the background and from whom one could not hide, and tell that 'GOD' that I would amend my ways and try harder tomorrow. And that would repeat tomorrow, again. But, think it through: isn't that the sick way? Isn't there a better way? They didn't tell me how to go thru that process and close it lovingly, and healthily!) Maybe Brené brings it in by ...:
Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that does not change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.
(Feeling FEAR-full, JUDGE - MENTAL, and ALONE: isn't that they way it is supposed to be, all the time? Full of fear. Always judging - waiting for the next shoe to drop; mistrusting; double checking reality for the 'lie' and the manipulation behind it. In the head - mentally, where the powers of 'discrimination' (hint?) and certainty reside, not in that flimsy, new-agey heart 'sh...t'! That was for when things were relaxed, in the companion of a loving figure, feeling protected: special moments of short duration!)
She starts the conclusion of the book with: "...each of us saying "My story matters because I matter". ...we can take to the streets with our messy, imperfect, wild, stretch-marked, wonderful, heartbreaking, grace-filled, and joyful lives. A movement fueled by the freedom that comes when we stop pretending that everything is OK when it isn't. A call that rises up from our bellies when we find the courage to celebrate those intensely joyful moments even though we've convinced ourselves that savoring happiness is inviting disaster". (...savoring happiness is inviting disaster...isn't that the punishment?)
...Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You're going to confuse, piss off and terrify lots of people - including yourself. (That's why that guy was nailed to the cross, no? Remember: INRI?)
And she closes with: "You'll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that's how I feel most of the time...brave, afraid, and very, very alive."
Hi José - Just letting you know I got your message and read your blog. Question: What do you mean by the reference to "INRI"? Does it mean something to you other than "Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum"?
ReplyDeleteRick, no: precisely that!
ReplyDelete"Iesvs Nazarenvs Rex Ivdaeorvm."
http://christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-t024.html
or…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus,_King_of_the_Jews
The term necessitates a book in itself. It represents such despise, rejection, contradiction (King, but...),bullying (king but we torture, despise and martirize), social dimension (Your king and we have him!, and you can't do a thing about it!), etc. And the reference in the blog is to much less intensity but to the feeling of rejection and separation that occurs when one does not follow 'the crowd', or changes the behaviours people are accustomed to. Interesting dynamic, I think,
Thanks for your bringing up the point!
I loved it! It's so real. All of it. The fear, the vulnerability, the knowing unfolding our arms and saying, 'this is me in its entirety' and showing all of it to ourselves and to the world...it comes with both a fear of judgement by us am others and an exhilaration of not having ng to hide anymore. We were born and continue to be perfect. We just aren't reminded enough of that and so we ourselves begin to forget and don't give ourselves permission to be and accept all of ourselves as whole - complete and exactly perfect as we are.
ReplyDeleteThe connection there for me is that once we become aware of this even as a possibility, we can begin to practice our language with ourselves and our thoughts to follow suit. That practice of accepting our soft places, our tenderness, our fragility in all of its beauty and heart, our fear, and to stand up with those in hand and say, 'here I am'. That becomes a self love where rejection or judgment does not exist because you don't hold it. In fact, you don't see it from others either because you know their words are theirs.
Lately I've been focusing on practicing. On not ignoring those moments to mask a place of courage, but redefining courage. Practicing to be still and allowing the fear to rise, seeing it for what it is, why it's there, and exposing it to myself and the world. That's hard and that's real courage because in doing so, you're showing off every beautiful bit of you. You're not holding back. You're saying, 'look how awesome every part of me is'. You're allowing the world around you to do the same in their connection with you. You're recognizing that others may have different ways and aren't there yet and you can still lovingly be with them and not carry (be offended or guarded or control) their stuff.
Practice makes everything less of a stranger. It eventually becomes familiar and not scary - even fear itself comes and goes but it doesn't destroy you. Until the practice turns into love of self. Knowing that intention - that it is all for love and growth, takes the edge off. And you can breathe a little easier. You recognize your strength. And you find yourself again knowing just how perfect you really are.
Jose - Thank you for sharing with the world your impressions on the book. Upon reading your post, I visualize a bird on top of the thinnest brach of a tree. It is a common image in my mornings. Makes me wonder about who's more afraid of loosing balance: the branch or the bird? They don't care. I am the only one asking such question. They know better than me the laws of physics. We all have this inner wisdom and nobody better than ourselves know the delicate balance of our lives.
ReplyDelete