Letting go - resistance to it

I am reading - very slowly and deeply - the book "The Undefended Self" by Susan Thesenga. It has captured my interest, attention, time, thinking, awareness, feelings, etc., in a very crisp way. I do not really read: I 'munch' on the reading. One, two, three times in a seating, for every page, every paragraph hooks my attention and 'tastes' so near, so dear, so real, so full!

Recently, a very dear friend, in the celebration of his, their, 56th. wedding anniversary, shared with us "the secret to happiness in life". His wife Barbara, had told me that he had not much to live, and that the doctor had prepared her for the inevitable. My friend, my dear Mathew, signaled for us to get closer to him, for there were many people around and he was struggling with his oxygen delivery tubing, and started this story about his life's desire to study and get his PhD, Philosophy, I think. He told about his work towards it, how he longed for it, how he looked for opportunities, but nothing was coming through.

Not that he had abandoned the idea, but in a lull of his efforts, one day his boss called him over and told him that he understood Mathew was interested in his PhD, and that the organization would be sending him to Britain to work, and that he could go ahead and study for his life's dream degree supported by the company! A veritable surprise - when he least expected it!

And Mathew added: "the secret is to let go"..."In life, let go".

Of course, it was a surprise to me that such a simple 'truth' would be the bottom line of his life's story. It was an anticlimax. Of course, I smiled and I assume I gestured in appreciation and acceptance, but someway, somehow, it was sort of a dis-appointment: I was expecting from this respected and loved man a "higher" tale, a more elaborate, sort of complex and circuitous truth.

Well, Mathew left us and his presence is still around: his smily face brought back by the card in my closet shelf, smiling at me multiple times a day as I come in. And while reading this morning....tadá! Susan Thesenga's words hit me right between my eyes, as it were!

In page 204, there is an entire set of mysteries to chew on: our discomfort and unwillingness to let go; our preference to the present without our dream; our rejection of that which is undesirable in us: drives, memories, tendencies, actions; our intense clinging to the denial to surrender. Let me quote:

In order to trust God within, the interim states of consciousness must be "traveled through," as it were. And only too often, the self wishes to avoid pain or confusion, emptiness or fear. Whatever the state, it must be temporarily embraced, so that it can be explored, understood, and dissolved. 

This is why the resistance to letting go is so strong. You prefer the status quo in which you avoid falling into those other states of consciousness that must be traversed in order to let go and create and expand your life. You prefer the status quo even though the state of letting loose, of letting God, feels wonderful, rich, light, joyful, and safe. As you make the choice to let go into these other states, the resistance to letting go diminishes gradually. It can never be done in one single decision. It is a decision and commitment that must be repeated many times. (PGL 213) 

Appropriate letting go into involuntary processes must include the discipline of self-confrontation of the negative impulses which emerge from the lower self. Until the ego has developed this innate discipline, then surrender to the involuntary seems dangerous. Over time, we learn to trust the unfoldment of our inner material, and to work with our negativity in safe and appropriate contexts. We learn to trust the self-regulating nature of the creative evolutionary life process itself as it moves through us. "Recognition of this must help you to come again a step nearer to the real life that leads itself from within you." (PGL 153) 

Mathew set the stage for this lesson: no wonder he was so special. He shared a complex mystery in simple terms, a sweet, tender gift. I think I can see his mischievous smile...!