Not easy...St. Francis, that is.

By José Blanco
In the USPS mail, donation requests and bills. Many - many, really - of the first. Some of the second, thanks to modern day e-banking, which is easier on the psyche for not so many envelopes to go thru and read, file, line up for paying and making checks, etc., etc. Uuuufff!

Well, two organizations linked to St. Francis' name - the Center for Action & Contemplation , that's the Richard Rohr site, and the Sisters of Saint Francis - had sent their donation requests, and in the envelopes were these bookmarks, and newsletters, and the well known "Dear José" letter, ...and... and they caught my eye.

There was a bookmark from the CAC, and it read about, something like, "peace within". Whaaattt? Peace when one is doing bills...?

And the Sisters' mailing had a nice light blue card with the St. Francis prayer: "Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace..."

The bookmark - "we must first have peace in our heart before we speak of peace", supposedly spoken by Francis himself...makes sense of course. And then it follows with ..."We have been called to heal wounds...to unite what has fallen apart..."
...

That is no easy task...even when attempting it with oneself; imagine with others! Peace within us, and then we are to heal, to unite ...? Have these people watched TV, and Twitter, and Facebook? Do they know what is going on in our Government, both local and nationwide? ...ahhh?

Then the words of the prayer hit me again, lifting a newness sensation deep within,  for sometime ago I changed the - my meaning, that is - of the orientation of the petition. I had learned it as a child and always thought of it as "asking for support in helping others"...and for one to "do" something for others, as in "where there is hatred, let me sow love" - where we "do" the sowing of love, to and for, between others.
But one good day, it hit me in a surprising way. The prayer is NOT about going out there, but about going inside; it is about changing inwardly, I, myself, 'me-to-me'!!! Not about going out and sowing love, and bringing hope and shining 'light' in the darkness of others (which is so nice for my medieval-knight-in shining armor-on-horse-rescuer-self image-role) , but doing all those - FIRST - to me, by me, for ME...! Sacrilegious! Self-serving, selfish!, sin: yes. But I sensed it as "right". There was peace in it.

I hope St. Francis really wrote this...
In situations in which my heart was hurt, dark, despaired, sad, lost, these words asked that I start the work in the "living room" of my heart...first. Compassion, strength, willingness, self-awareness, tough love, etc.,etc., whatever it takes to restore the health, wellness and peace within. To start there - inside!

Again - not an easy task...

The second part of the prayer, then, is sort of clear-er because it is asking me to Love : others. OTHERS, that is. But!, the 'vision' was to start with me, me first...before I go out, before I can go out. "It is in dying to myself...that I am 'born'...But it is in healing (tending to) myself that I can start practicing dying to myself. ...crrrrraaaaaazzzzyyyyy!!!!

Ego - stay put, don't run away: I am coming your way...

PS: St. Francis, are you sure of this...?


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