Inner experience...external structures

This subject has been close recently. It came across as a friend wrestled with decision making: what to do? She knew she had to move on, recognized how stuck she was. Her energies were demanding that "she needed to do something", but what? The "cue" came to me when she repeatedly uttered "Should"..."Should be"..."the right thing ...". Well, that clued me in.

When the heart is not leading...there is reliance on structures. Religion, for instance. Moral, ethical, religious constructs. Commandments established externally by parents, society, authority figures...even experiences...such as traffic tickets, broken noses, lost friendships, etc. What is, what was "the right thing to do"? What did I not do "right" that brought those consequences on, so hard, so painful? "Big sticks" are profound teachers.


How about external (and internal) consequences of action, actions, on others? The "common good". Seeing someone relieved of need, of pain. Seeing a smile of gratitude, of wellness? Doing good to others - because ti is good, keeping away the religious, moral ethical energies out of that: just because. Presently, we hear the phrase...:"I am my brother's keeper"...btw, no co-dependence here, OK? Yes.

When determining steps to take, actions to decide upon, maybe there are three great referees: religion, morality:ethical(ity), and the-good-to-others. So religious, moral/ethical constructs are guidance elements.


But what if we drop all those, what then?

The Big Decisions

Recently, David Brooks had a great column on this. Check it out here: "The Big Decisions". Nice writing. Neat. Then it hit me...He started wide, open, lofty, then like a funnel, circumscribed the flow to a small circle...a diminished sphere compared to where he was going. (NO negativity of criticism, btw.) And I quote: "Most important, we’re moral creatures. When faced with a transformational choice the weakest question may be, What do I desire? Our desires change all the time. The strongest questions may be: Which path will make me a better person? Will joining the military give me more courage? Will becoming a parent make me more capable of selfless love?"

I get the point: yes. "Nice". But deny "what do I desire"? Negate the heart? Trash intuitive understanding, un-explainable, "irrational" inclination? Really? How many times my intuition calls for a "stop!" when it's my turn "to-go", and immediately, pum! ...the STOP sign was pummeled by a rushing-to-work, speeding "not sentient" ... (fill-in-the-blank)... driving while mindlessly chatting on the mobile phone!  Should I deny that intuition? Should I counter it with these instead?: "It is the right thing to do - go. It's your tun now. The turn-stile-rotation is on my side now...everyone is waiting for me to go, and I should not be holding them back, and I should be considerate in going thru so that they might get thru this crazy Atlanta traffic stop...". Really?

Should I apply the reasoning to which these questions point to?:  "Which path (action) will make me a better person (citizen)? Will joining the military (the flow) give me more courage? Will becoming a parent (law-obeying-driver) make me more capable of selfless love?"

Sorry to say, but "no". That model reminds me of "external dependency". My behavior  or behaviours are there upon constructed upon "5 star ratings of popularity and surveys"! I don't think so...

Then I come across Richard Rohr's "The importance of Inner experience". The second paragraph asserts this: "We all need such inner experience instead of simple outer belief systems. You need inner experience whereby you can know things to be true for yourself instead of believing them because other people say they are true. [2] This is second-hand religion or hearsay religion which is unfortunately the most common variety.


 Put it in context...we are talking adult, mature, grown-up stuff: 40+ years or more, maybe. till then, we are still "learning", constructing our personalities, our "ego", our self...till!, a moment comes in which that "tank" is full, and its fuel does not "fill" any more! Then, we start releasing, letting go. Things are not satisfying anymore or at the level they were before. "Been there, done that" type stuff. The inner experience now wants "less" of the external, more of the "nothingness", of the "to-do's, should's, have-to's, externally-dependent stuff, and more of the...shhhh: "Let me 'see'.

...difficult...shaky grounds...less certain...but most enjoyable and satisfying!

I thank Mr. Brooks and Fr. Rohr for their work...head aches...!